is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
