he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
this just has baby written all over it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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