Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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