Where is the hickey?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
