Little spoons don't ask big questions
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
