1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
