I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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