can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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