Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
