Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
