highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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