K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
