You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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