you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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