I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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