my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My pussy is not your playground.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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