i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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