remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
