I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Pants are for mortals
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
