We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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