dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
