Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
