He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
