i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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