we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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