I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
