mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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