I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize