the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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