All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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