It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
