and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
