I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
