My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
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He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize