Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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