I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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