I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
