Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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