i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
