id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
