I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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