ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.