i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This house was built for laser tag.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing