I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
