You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
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He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize