maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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