You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i love accidental penises.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
