I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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