I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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