youre lurking in front of me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
