Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
