So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
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i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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