Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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