Sry I called you an 8
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
