his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
