good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
