i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
