we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
