I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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