I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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