He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
